we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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