But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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