I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize