We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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