Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
