I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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