Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
