you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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