my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
