He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
