my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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