she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize