So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
