apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
