She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
