Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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