I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
