The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
