he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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