Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize