I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
