the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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