I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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