mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
