he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
