I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
