could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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