Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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