STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
