theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
