I think i peed on brittanys purse
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
