so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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