I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
being pregnant is like rehab
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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