I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
