you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Found the puke drawer
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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