Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
