So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
last night I used snow as a chaser
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