If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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