Can Purell be used as lube?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
