I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just had sex bonerless
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
