There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
