Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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