it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize