just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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