just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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