on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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