dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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