Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
