I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
