physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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