what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
40s are totally the cure
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize