i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
