How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
where are my eyebrows?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
