Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
