Say something about gay babies.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
