it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize