I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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