Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
