I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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