Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
