Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
