I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
