one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
