So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
