Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
