My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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