I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
