he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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